Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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