i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
