its not stalking. its research.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
