just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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