Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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