Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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