Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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