Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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