i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize