If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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