His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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