...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
