she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
