The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
