he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
