a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
