I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Alive.
So much puke
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
