you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
