the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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