I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
