I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
