a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
