If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
