If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
