no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want her autograph on my taint
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
