Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
