Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
