there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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