All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize