Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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