Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
