so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
