Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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