Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
