the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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