The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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