ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
