I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
