I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
