just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
