new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
