I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
