when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this just has baby written all over it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
