ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
