My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
