One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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