Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
