Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
