brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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