I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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