belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
