a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
