I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize