Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He did a backflip because drugs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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