I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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