I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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