i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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