after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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