She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
