tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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