the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
how does that bad decision feel?
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