so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
