If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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