Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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